the State of the Girls Address

one of the trickiest parts of parenting is learning when to push and when to let go ... when to adjust your approach to something and when to accept that it's just a phase ... which hills are worth dying on and which hills will immediately vanish as soon as you turn your attention elsewhere. and i'm fully aware that the scope of parenting decisions we've had to make thus far doesn't approach what we'll be dealing with in the high school years.

like just about everything else, my approach to parenting has shifted a bit since we moved to Rome. i'm more tolerant of certain behaviors and more protective of naptimes and bedtimes, recognizing that, especially for Greta, this move has been a huge adjustment. obviously, direct disobedience will always be addressed, but most of the time i try to just meet her where she is emotionally, "filling her tank" and saying "yes" as much as possible. try being the operative word; i've certainly lost patience at times, and sometimes it's tough to navigate the line between validating emotions and tolerating a bratty whine-fest. our particular situation here also throws the girls into an entirely adult environment, and while i truly value the opportunity to teach them how to behave like civilized creatures at our hour-long lunch with four seminarians every Monday, i also don't care if they mostly just eat the rolls, or if they color in their notebooks for the last half of the meal while we enjoy some adult conversation. it's embarrassing sometimes when a seminarian proffers his hand during the sign of peace at mass and Greta pointedly ignores him. but i feel at peace with my approach in any similar situation: she does need to look the adult in the eye and give a polite verbal response, but she doesn't need to make bodily contact (shaking hands, hugging, or whatever it may be).

that being said, one of the biggest hurdles we've had since we moved is Greta's refusal to walk, almost anywhere. she wants to be pushed in the stroller, and who wouldn't? on epic sightseeing days or our travel weekends, it doesn't bother me a bit. when she started school in November, i convinced her to walk (a 0.4 mile trot downhill) the first day, but she was so physically and mentally exhausted from the three hours of nonstop Italian and sensory overload that she cried and plopped down on the sidewalk when i came to fetch her. since then, i've just pushed her in the stroller. which is kind of ridiculous, and it looks even more ridiculous than it is since she's so tall (i'm sure the people we pass on the street think that she's six). but i know school is a whole new kind of culture shock for her (including but not limited to the bathroom, which consists of six stalls without doors and one communal toilet paper dispenser). i had a loose goal to have her walking consistently by the end of the year, but it felt like the right thing to do to "spoil" her in this regard, especially when i picked her up and could tell she was tired from holding it together. riding in the stroller was almost like a security blanket for her, and i didn't want to take that away from her too. sometimes, though, i questioned whether i should just push her to do it and Make It A Thing, because she certainly is physically capable of it, and i figured the other parents must think i'm a total nut for pushing my five-year-old in a stroller, but then in the grand scheme of things, would it really matter?

then, on Tuesday we were leaving the zoo with friends, and she lingered near the bodega selling toys and balloons outside the entrance. "can i please have one of these?" she asked.

"not today, sweetheart."

"but when?!? i really want one! hey! i want to sit in the stroller!"

"well," i said, as she plopped herself into our battered but stalwart Chicco Liteway Plus, "i think maybe if you can start walking to school, we can make a little chart, and if you walk for 5 days, then you could choose a toy."

silence. the conversation turned towards other things and we said goodbye to our friends and headed home. i didn't say another word about it. the next day, it was business as usual as she hopped in the stroller for school. and then, yesterday, as we left the apartment, she suddenly said, "Mom, i think i can walk today. i think i'm big enough. i think i can walk the whole way."

not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, i said, "okay!" and she did. i thought she might balk at the idea of walking back at the end of the day (on Thursdays she stays until 5 pm for her gymnastics class, so she's always truly tired then), so when i picked her up, i brought her two little chocolates to sweeten the deal and give her a little boost. and she walked back without a single complaint, pausing to marvel at her own achievement a few times. ("Mom! i'm doing it! i can't believe i'm actually walking! i'm so surprised at myself!") and of course i laid it on thick with the affirmations, so much so that Cecilia has now started telling me "i so proud of you!" which can only be considered a win-win.

"i'm so proud of me!"

i won't miss pushing the stroller over these cobblestones every morning.

"St. Peter's looks so pretty today," she said

and she did it today too, and excitedly told me "now i only have 3 days til i get my prize!" this afternoon, she asked to go for a walk "so i can exercise my legs and keep them strong". and it is SO GLORIOUS.

when the seminary grounds are your backyard

Cecilia, too, has marked a major milestone this month. at some point last week, we couldn't find her beloved green "minky" (her pacifier). i was sure it was in the house somewhere, but after looking everywhere i could possibly think to check, and even asking St. Anthony to help us, the minky was nowhere to be found. she had a very sad night, but eventually fell asleep when i asked if she could "use her finger like a minky" (aka suck on her index finger). she woke up once or twice and i ended up sleeping in her room for the remainder of the night and giving her a cup of warm milk at one point. then the next day, she was asking for her minky but successfully took her nap without it ... and slept that night without it ... and now we are at a full week without the pacifier. yesterday, she wanted me to unzip the bag of blocks and i discovered a whole bunch of other random toys in the bag. sure enough, i spotted the mink and thankfully was able to palm it before she saw it. i'm a little sad that my baby is getting older, but it's also so nice not to have to track it down before bedtime or make sure we don't lose it on a travel day.

a staged photo, taken while she was napping

then today, Greta asked me to put her hair in a bun, and Cecilia wanted to have one too. and i. just. can't. even. handle. the. cuteness. of course they have their sisterly squabbles, but most of the time they are so good together, and i am so grateful.

who are these teenagers?!?

they are watching one of the most inane shows to ever (not-)grace Netflix: Shopkins. it's fine.