the kindness of strangers

 

recently I've been reflecting on little moments of connection with complete strangers. I'm fortunate enough to have a life full to bursting with the love of family and friends, but these interactions with people I've encountered for a few minutes and probably never will see again have left an indelible imprint on my memory. 

the most ordinary yet unexpected encounter of this sort happened about ten years ago at a busy traffic intersection. every time I turn left at this light now, I remember it! at the time, I was following a new route to work due to construction. I was first in line in the left turning lane which requires a green arrow to proceed. the light was red as I approached. I pulled up behind a faint white line and stopped the car, about one car-length behind the first car in the right-hand lane. I waited, and waited, and waited. the traffic light cycled through completely for each lane except for mine, which I thought was strange, but again I wasn't used to driving this route so figured maybe the opposing traffic had an extended green. then it cycled through again, with the arrow for my lane staying obstinately red. a few cars behind me started honking but I knew I had seen that white line so just stayed put -- I wasn't about to turn left on a red light! then a few cars started pulling out around me into the right lane and going straight through the intersection.

finally, a man jogged up to my car and motioned for me to roll down the window. I would have been alarmed except that he was smiling and seemed calm. he explained that the white line I was obediently parked behind was an old mark from the previous paving job, and that I had to pull up closer to the intersection to trigger the camera and allow the green arrow to cycle with the other lights. even as he was telling me this, I marveled at how genuinely kind he was -- not frustrated, not patronizing, just giving me a helpful hint as if one might tell a friend. I thanked him and apologized for holding up the line. he said, "no problem!", jogged back to his car, I pulled up about six feet, and lo and behold, the arrow turned green! I waved my hand to thank him and carried on with my day. I think about that moment so frequently now -- he could have screamed or called me an idiot or just laid on his horn, but he treated me with dignity even though I was obviously in the wrong. 

not strangers... but I'll never forget the time Blair and Caleb came to rescue me and the girls in the height of Covid when our van broke down and the tow truck didn't have room for all of us and Nick was out of town. 

then there was the time I was on an adventure with Greta and Cece in Rome. we had lived there for less than a month and Greta, at age five, refused to walk anywhere for more than ten minutes at a time. this posed a problem as we had no car! my ultimate solution was to wear 20-month-old Cecilia on my back in the Ergo and push Greta in the stroller whenever we needed to go somewhere. this was okay for the most part, but Rome is notoriously inaccessible for wheelchair or stroller users. I was determined to take them to a park that day while Nick was working. when the playground closest to our apartment was inexplicably gated off, I decided to go explore the Borghese Gardens (Rome's version of Central Park -- you can read the whole account of that adventure here). after walking for two kilometers, we reached the Piazza del Popolo and I realized that the most direct way to reach the gardens involved climbing three long sets of stairs. as I approached with Cece on my back and Greta in the stroller, I was about to tell Greta that she had to get out and walk until we got to the top of the steps. a sweet young Italian couple was close by, and as soon as they saw us, they immediately sprang into action. "no, no, no, prego, prego!" the young man said. despite my assurances that Greta was, in fact, capable of using her legs, he grabbed one leg of the stroller and his companion grabbed the other and we hoisted her aloft like a princess on a palanquin, all while they were cooing over the girls ("bellissima! bellissima! ciao, bella!!"). at the top of the steps I thanked them profusely, the girls shyly smiled, and they grinned back ("certo! is no worry! buona giornata!") and disappeared into the crowd of tourists. seven years later, I doubt that they even remember this day, but I will never forget their kindness. 

standing in the Piazza del Populo -- we needed to get up to the overlook above the fountain to reach the gardens

looking down at where we had come from! (she managed to get out of the stroller for this)

another notable encounter happened during domestic travel when we were flying back to Seattle to visit with family. Greta was about a year old and a few days later, she cut four teeth all at once, so I'm sure her gums were hurting her in addition to her ears and the general indignity of being held on a lap for a five-hour flight. during the descent, she started wailing uncontrollably and I couldn't seem to find any way to console her. we had the middle and window seat, and I felt terribly for the burly man sitting in the aisle seat as well as everyone within earshot. Nick and I were starting to get more frantic as we dangled different toys in front of her, tried to feed her goldfish snacks, offered her a bottle, and switched her into different positions like a baby yogini. her crying intensified. suddenly, the man in the aisle, who hadn't spoken a word up to this point, said in a surprisingly gentle voice, "do you mind if I try? I'm a NICU nurse." Greta definitely didn't like strangers as a baby so if I wasn't already at my wits end, I would have politely declined, but I figured it couldn't possibly get any worse and besides, he was a professional! so he picked her up and held her quietly, and she just -- stopped crying. I think it was maybe out of surprise than anything else, but I also think she was picking up on her parents' rising adrenaline levels and his calm demeanor soothed all of us. he just held her, murmured to her, and eventually let her look at his keychain. she quietly allowed herself to be held, and looked up at him and at the keychain with her big serious eyes. then when the plane landed, he handed her back to us and she started crying again, which didn't make me feel great as a mother, but at least I didn't have to worry that the whole plane hated us. now whenever we fly with toddlers, we remind each other of our guardian angel on that flight. (but also, I now unabashedly pre-medicate my toddlers and babies with Tylenol before takeoff and we've never had another episode of inconsolable crying on a plane, so, better living through chemistry!) 

definitely not strangers ... but the sweet moment when Kira surprised Kelli by flying in from New York for her baby shower in Washington state. there are three very delighted sisters in this picture, and the fourth is behind the camera!

finally, the last kindness that comes to mind is back in 2020 when I had arranged to pick up something from a woman in our Buy Nothing group. our group comprises our town and a few neighboring towns, so everyone lives relatively close, and I love it as a way to get to know our more peripheral neighbors. anyway, the expectation in the group is that you pick up items promptly if they are gifted to you, and if for some reason you are unable to pick up an item in a timely fashion, the giver is free to re-gift it to someone else. I had commented under someone's collection of vintage beer cans that I would love to have them to give to Nick for his garage collection, and a few days later she selected me as the recipient -- but in the interim, I tested positive for Covid. under 2020 CDC guidance, the entire family was meant to quarantine at home for 10 days. I messaged her to say I was sorry and that she could certainly choose another recipient since I wouldn't be able to pick them up for several days. she immediately responded to say she would drop them off to our porch, and asked if we were all okay. she offered to bring groceries or over-the-counter medications or anything else we needed. she was so heartfelt and made me feel like we'd been lifelong friends even though I'd never spoken to her before! and sure enough, she dropped off the collection within a few hours of our message exchange. it was so sweet, and I have paid the favor forward a few times with items I'm gifting to someone who doesn't have reliable transportation or ends up getting sick. 

this picture of my grandparents brings me to tears every time. when she was in better health, my grandma was like the Energizer bunny, and both my grandparents remained active well into their retirement years. as dementia slowly stole my grandma's mental and physical faculties, my grandpa took such tender care of her. 

Your turn: Do any memorable encounters with strangers stand out in your mind? Have you ever been the kind stranger yourself?